Straight to Hell: Memoir of an Ex-Evangelical Pastor - Hardcover

by John Wesley Wilson (Author)

★ GOLD MEDAL WINNER - 2026 Illumination Book Awards

"Wilson does not clean himself up for the audience. The writing has the kind of honesty most memoirs sidestep." - Asher Syed, Readers' Favorite ★★★★★

"Wilson does not attack faith. He wrestles with it. Honestly. Painfully. And at great personal cost. He writes with candor, insight, and emotion-and without a shred of self-pity." - Elizabeth Ridley, Coauthor of The Dirt Beneath Our Door (Matt Holt Books, 2025)

What happens when you abandon yourself to stay loved?

Barefoot in the backwoods of South Alabama, John grew up amid poverty, violence, fear, and a family constantly coming apart.

The small Pentecostal church at the edge of a cotton field offered safety, certainty, and a place to belong.

But belonging came with conditions.

To be loved, he learned to perform.

To be accepted, he learned to hide.

Deep inside, he carried a truth he believed made him unworthy of both-one his faith couldn't accept and he couldn't change.

So he became the person everyone needed him to be.

A husband.

A father.

A pastor.

For years, he devoted himself to doing everything right, believing that obedience and sacrifice would finally make him worthy.

When the truth finally surfaced, it threatened everything he had sacrificed himself to protect. Most of all, it threatened the relationship with the two daughters he was determined not to lose.

What followed was a long journey through grief and exile toward something he had never known before: the freedom to be fully seen and still be loved.

Straight to Hell is an award-winning memoir about faith, family, sexuality, shame, and the long road home after a lifetime of hiding.

At its heart, the book asks two questions:

Who did I have to become to stay loved?

What would happen if I finally came home to myself?

*Includes book club questions and discussion guide.